Thursday, March 31, 2005

melanoma


diehard
Originally uploaded by orudis kt.
Take that Miami! We don't need your Banana Boat stinkin' beaches no ways. Everyone KNOWS that tanning in the metropolis is a science only geniuses can handle. In fact, when it comes to bronzing, Miami's like the word find on the back of my box of cocoa krispies--far too easy. Urbana and Orudis prefer more of a challenge. Stimulate our minds and our pores, if you will. Mmmm hmmm, yeah that's right. Beaches are for pussies.

So much for palm trees and white sandy beaches


sun bathing
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Well apparently a million people decided to take advantage of my $74 each way to ft. lauderdale because now the tickets are too much for such a short trip. I am sad. Instead of baking in the hot florida sun, we'll be eating asphalt in brooklyn.

In the words of the wise Orudis KT: "let's just plan on going to mccarren park and sipping pina coladas in the sun there... Bikinis, cooler, cigarettes, trashy mags, the works."

Now that I finally brought my mini barbeque grill home from the office, we could even cook up some hot dogs and veggie burgers. PLUS, Turkey Nest has beer to go. ROckin.

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Bienvenidos a Miami


miami
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Lets all channel Will Smith now. I'm dead serious about going to Miami in 2 weeks when everyone else in my office jets off to Los Angeles without me. Reasons why:
1. hang out with this guy... Hottie
2. Get head start on tanning season
3. white sand beaches
4. pina coladas at 2pm
5. margaritas at 2:30 pm
6. boobies at 3pm
7. pour beer on sorority babes
8. take that back
9. why the hell not
10. its only like $250

See you there!

Tuesday, March 29, 2005

Hung like a Rhino


john_currin_and_son
Originally uploaded by orudis kt.
Urbana's men come in various shapes and sizes. Here we see John looking awfully studly in that artsy 'I'll paint your portrait AND play with your X box' kind of way while Baby F just lets it hang low--real low. I always thought this kid was privileged to have been Urbana in his diaper but perhaps it's the other way around. Balls to the wall my friend.

Orudis KT Dream of the day


test-alien
Originally uploaded by andi814.
So Orudis KT has been having some crazy dreams and I think I would like to share. It was about aliens. I imagine it was something like this... Its kinda hot though right?

On another note: Google Image search "alien" is the most unexciting image search ever. I thought it would be GOLDEN but it ain't. To get over the pain from this one, try searching "He-Man" yeah you like it.

I had a dream the other night that I was wearing my mother's wedding dress and a bunch of my friends were looking at me wearing this. I'm sure this happened because all Easter my mom was figuring out who I should marry and have millions of children with. Result: I think my mom has a crush on Frank.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Friend of the Week


WheelofFortune
Originally uploaded by andi814.
I'm going to start a new column of the week. Its called "Friend of the Week" and its about people I would like to be friends with. This here is my new hopeful friend. He's a friendly old chap with three cats and an affinity for pie a la mode. After attending services on Sundays, he usually goes to the park for a nice stroll to admire nature in all its glory.
Welcome. I want to cuddle.

Hercules Hercules!


Richard_Sandrak_Little_Hercules
Originally uploaded by andi814.
UH OH. Someone's been sprinkling steroids over his cocoa krispies again!

This little shit is our Russian friend, 11 year old Richard Sandrak. He's only 4'10" and probably always will be. I say, he'd be a hot boyfriend for Alla.

Friday, March 25, 2005

Britzilla!


britsbits
Originally uploaded by orudis kt.
I love it. I'd so smoke menthols and drink coors light on the beach with her.

Easter Greetings from your pal URBANA!


Easter_bun_bun
Originally uploaded by andi814.
I love fluffy bunnies. They're so cuddly and cute. Especially easter bunnies that bring goodies like jelly beans, chocolate eggs, and peeps. I really don't like peeps though.

Thursday, March 24, 2005

What would Jesus do?


don_tbeafraidtoswallow
Originally uploaded by andi814.
But is it Low Carb?

Oh sometimes I miss good old Massachusetts and its inspriational messages. I mean like the other day i was sitting around with a load in my mouth and was debating whether to spit or swallow. Then I remebered that time driving by the twin city temple. That message from the good lord really stuck with me. And so it goes...

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

rock the hula


I have found the best website ever. www.islandmadness.com
If you ever need a ukelele with cleavage this is your place.
There are all kinds of party hats, grass skirts, tiki lamps, windsocks, magarita glasses AND MORE!!
I say we all pool together some cash, buy some summer themed novelty products and throw ourselves a killer summer party.
Please send $5 to:
URBANA
69 Lovers Lane
Intercourse PA 03369

Ode to Urbana

Oh ye of mighty beauty and wealth of bosom,
you come to me in my dreams
telling me I look like I was born with a birth defect.
Or was that my mother?
Yes. It was Mother Rabbit.
I digress.
Your party prowess is beyond compare
While waiting in line for the Temple
I think I see Audrey Hepburn.
Could it be? I ask.
Why no, it's Urbana, the mother of all that is awesome
great and small.
They flock to you in a V formation
crapping on all those below.
Look there's a person dressed only in teal!
Dive bomb.
I am sad.
I cannot digitally get down.
I hope to one day have the privilege
of cutting your cuticles.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Beautiful People Party Drink



To prepare everyone for tonight's PAPER party, I would like to share my signature beverage with you and our friends. I've provided pictures to assist you in the process.

How to make "The Urbana"

Pour 1 oz. Svedka Vodka (or more to your preference) over ice into Medium glass.
Mix with 4 oz. club soda (seltzer)
Top with a generous splash of lime juice
Stir with gusto!
Garnish with slices of fresh lime and even a lemon if you want to get colorful.

sip and enjoy.

This drink is low-carb and tastes great. The lime juice might even provide a bit of vitamin C.
Svedka is the sponsor tonight. GO GO SVEDKA VODKA!

Monday, March 21, 2005

Dance Move of the Week


cabbage_patch2
Originally uploaded by andi814.
A new feature to urbanatime will be the Dance Move of the Week posting. I want to help all of you that may be a little shy with a little move called "The Cabbage Patch."

The move starts like this. Imagine yourself with a giant bowl of pancake batter in front of you. This bowl is HUGE and you've got a giant spoon to stir it with. You with me? Now...
1. make hands into fists
2. Bend elbow and bring fists to chest
3. Now raise the left knee just a bit.
4. and Stir that batter
5. STIR IT!
6. STIR
7. get those legs moving!

You've got it! GOOD

Moment of Silence


pobrien
Originally uploaded by orudis kt.
In the wake of St. Patty's Day, our favorite Access to Hollywood-cum-Insider has entered rehab for alcohol abuse. It is times like these when we must reinforce our Friends Forever stance. We wish Pat and his family nothing but the best during this difficult period. On Top of Spaghetti O'Brien, as we know him here at Urbanatime has been so good to us over the years. Keep your head up Patty Cake. Nancy O'Dell will be visiting you shortly.

Friday, March 18, 2005

i'll eat your shorts


HOLY HOTNESS! Look at this little guy in those sexy shorts. I can hardly control myself. Did someone turn up the thermostat or is that just me. I need a beverage. DAMN!

Just channeling Michael Jackson: Don't stop til you get enough.

Page Six
JACKO AND BART

March 18, 2005 -- MICHAEL Jackson can't catch a break. "The Simpsons" creator, Sam Simon, went on Howard Stern's radio show yesterday and shared a weird memory of when Jacko was a guest star on the animated series, lending his voice to a mental patient with a shaved head. As recalled by Simon, Jackson demanded the script be changed so his character could spend more time with Bart. So Simon gave Jackson a scene where he spends the night alone with Bart in his room. Simon added that during the voice recording, someone gave Jackson a giant Bart Simpson doll — and that when he thought no one was looking, Jackson started to kiss the doll.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

chestnut_street


chestnut_street
Originally uploaded by andi814. I would like to say HAPPY First St. Patrick's day for my Irish girl Sara! This black irish beauty will spend the evening sucking down guinness, singing irish bar tunes, and prepping her lower back for a really hot "Fighting Irish" tattoo. Be Proud, my friend, be proud. Leprechaun love to you.



Wednesday, March 16, 2005

bffs


Blance, Rose, Dorothy, and Sophia are my new after school special. Today on the program, the girls were cooking a late night dinner in their nightgowns and reminiscing about old times. I've noticed a ton of their shows are based on memories and splices of old shows. I guess it kept production costs down and actually fairly accurately paints a picture of old age, always talking about old times in fancy night wear. I can't freekin wait! So anyway, one of the memories was when the heat went out and it was so cold (in Miami, Right!) that they all had to share Sophia's bed because she has an electric blanket. Brilliant. So of course all four of them were chatting under the covers and Rose was getting all nervous about something or other and then Sophia farts in bed! Retorting with "its my bed and I'll do whatever I want in it." Then I turned on Jeopardy. You mighta had to be there and I would recommend trying to get there. The Golden Girls DVD is out now. Try amazon.com or check your local listings for showtime and channel.

SCRUNCHIE!!!!!


bspears
Originally uploaded by orudis kt.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Get in my mouth


a_girl's_best_friend
Originally uploaded by orudis kt.
May our love for one another continue to bloom and grow until the chick comes of age and pecks the dog's eyes out. Adolescence is a bitch.


"A pet chihuahua dog has adopted a baby chick in China.
Huahua took charge of the chick as soon as owner Liu Bangyang's daughter brought it home.
She regards the chick as her baby and stands guard to make sure it comes to no harm, reports the Chongqing Morning News.
And, whenever the chick strays too far, Huahua picks it up gently in her mouth and puts it back in its cot.
Liu, from Guiyang city, Guizhou province, said: "We'll try our best to raise the little chicken, if that's what Huahua wants."

MMMMMMMAAAAAA TUH BIN YAAAAAH. MATTA MEECHIE MA BA. HIMMENALAH HIMMEN A ZIMBABWE. The circle of life. They gave that dog the stupidest name ever. He should've been called Elton John. Too bad both of them are going in the crockpot at old Liu Bangyang's International House of Dumplings. Hua Hua will never reach the height of Paris's Tinkerbell. Sigh.

downward_dog


downward_dog
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Champagne is the magic bullet. I honestly lost a few hours of my life at Alla's party on Saturday. Thank you digital camera for reminding me of what I missed. Apparently I spent most of the party on the floor. I wasn't just layin there. I was partying on the floor. Digital digital getting down. To see a nice little recap of the park slope slippery slope, click the picture.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

preheat oven to 350 degrees



This is the cake we will make for this week's Saturday party at Zlottie's house.

That eagle's gonna get her!


eagle and shannon copy
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Ok what disgusting fat man walked up to this chick at the hollister store in the mall and told her how beautiful she is. They he's like ok baby, the idea behind this shoot is nature meets humans. There's gonna be this like majestic soaring eagle that's got like his big strong talons out. He's like ready to pick you up and feed you to his babies. oR like make babies with you. Like you could have like half eagle babies. But, i mean really, this scene is gonna be hot. You'll be on the cover of vogue someday if you just stick with me kid.

Deuces Wild

We here at Urbanatime are big into pairs. Pairs of shoes, pairs of pants, pairs of faces. Thanks to a write in from a loyal reader, we can learn about more pairs.

......
Kitten Born With Two Faces

UPDATED: 10:11 am EST March 10, 2005

LAKE CITY, Fla. -- When Teresa Morrison's cat had a litter Tuesday, she noticed something was different about one of the kittens.

"I thought it had growth on its face," she said.

The kitten has two mouths, two noses and four eyes. She immediately called her veterinarian.

"He said he's never seen it. Never," Morrison said.

The kitten is nursing from its mother, which the vet said is a good sign.

"(She's) feeding off one mouth now; sometimes go to the other one, but he's not getting it open," Morrison said.



The vet told Morrison he didn't know if the cat has one or two brains, but having one would give the cat a better chance to survive.

He said if the kitten lives 48 hours, he has a good chance of living a full life.

Wednesday morning, Morrison named the cat "Deuce."




So now I'm wondering about the advantages of having 2 faces. Like, could you makeout with your other face? Want to see the video of this freak show

Wednesday, March 09, 2005

Poop Patrol


fashion_icon_my_asshole
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Ok, if the food isn't coming out of her mouth, its coming out the dirt star. That much coffee can make anyone's colon sparkly clean. I wonder if she uses the 2nd floor bathroom of the waverly building. That's every NYU girls' secret pooping location. well, not anymore.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Monday, March 07, 2005

Dick


drinkydrink
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Richard! Don't give in to the temptation! I love you and I care. .... But baby you're so delicious!!!

This just had to be shared. Sorry if your palms are sweaty.

Sunday, March 06, 2005

saucy

The dipping sauce of the day is KC Masterpiece Original Barbeque.

japanese pop


japanese pop
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Digital digital get down, just you and me. If we can get together naturally, we can get together on the digital screen. Can we get connected?

yeah so we went to Lit on saturday night and ended up seeing these really crazy japanese guys scream and bang on shit for 15 minutes. My hot ear doctor would not have approved, seeing as I literally just pasted my ear drum back together on friday. Anyway, these guys packed up their instruments, one of which was the "make your own instrument" kit that we all had when we were babies. You know the one that came in a little blue briefcase with the different pieces so you could make a trumpet or a really long trumpet or a really really long trombone. So, yeah, they left and then the dancing started. And it was fun. Good weekend. more pics to come.

Friday, March 04, 2005

screw puerto rico




I mean really, this was only 3 consecutive applications of self tanner! She looks so natural, like she was always meant to be a bronzed beauty. Where do I sign up?

Starlet by Star Jones



As soon as I'm done with this day, I'm RUNNING to payless to pick up these beauties by the one and only SJR (Star Jones-Reynolds). I will wear them proud. Speaking of doctors... this is amazing.

hit me baby one more time



Alright. So I wanted to post about my recent doctor adventures. For instance, this morning, a doctor healed me, and he was young and handsome, and now I'm in love and ready to have an ear/nose/and/or/throat problem anytime soon. So anyhoo, I was looking on google for a picture of a hot doc to post up so i typed in "HOT DOCTOR" and here's what popped out. literally. I've just decided that i'm kinda happy that I've taken an involuntary vow of celibacy lately. Do you take a vow or an oath or something else?