Friday, May 27, 2005

mystery sign holder



Who IS that mysterious man holding the Fernando Ferrer 2005 sign? I love having famous friends.
we gonna own this damn town in like 2 minutes.

let the love making begin!


sailors
Originally uploaded by andi814.
Ladies and Gentlemen... its Fleet Week! The week of all our dreams when eligible young bachelors storm the town looking to save young women from a life of cats and tequila sunrises.

God Bless America, land that I love, stand beside her, and guide her, through the night from the light from above.

From the mountains, to the praries, to the oceans white with FOAM!

God bless America, my home sweet home.

God bless America, my home (descresendo, molto) sweet, (pause) HHHH(insert Jessica Simpson vibrato)oooooommmmmeeeee ooomemmmemmooemememoe

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Craigslist: a world of Opportunity

Howdy Kids- Thanks to a write-in from a loyal reader, you all have another chance at employment this summer! Please check out the posting below and get those resumes rolling!

One Fun Job -- Super Comp & Benefits

Reply to: anon-75454538@craigslist.org
Date: 2005-05-26, 12:10PM

An unusual offer....here we go......

(1) U Get 6K a month amex card
(2) U run my social life, plan nights out, trips, etc
(3) You run my finances, handle my mail, etc (I hate paperwork)
(4) 6K monthly limit applied to my/our nights out, trips, etc
(5) You keep the difference for shopping/cash etc (so if youre a good planner and savvy shopper -- two traits i love -- all the better) -- hmmm......
(6) Must be comfortable w/ my seinfeld on steroids personality
(7) When were out and we agree on a girl we see, I pick her up, and we play nicely (for fun we bet whether i do or dont with winnings/losses applied against the amex balance)
(8) U r smart, competent, sincere
(9) U do not get emotionally attached to me
(10) U get to meet family freinds if u like (they know Im a trip)

About me, i am a straight SWM, 35, 5'10, 160 athletic build, jewish (naturally), clean, safe, d/d free.....expect to like a whole lot (may be a little disorienting when we first meet -- as you wonder whether this is real -- it is)................

Send pic and paragraph on why this appeals to you.....or Q's
Original URL: Craigslist.org

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Dance Move of the Week: THE FETAL POSITION


Which is what you all should be in after being brought to your knees in agony by Nick and Jess's breakup.

No instruction is necessary with this one given that you've done it before either in your mother's womb or, more memorably, the last time you were stricken with a severe case of angry bunghole.

Nevertheless, for a demonstration check out Supreme Trading this Saturday. I'll be the one in the Rubbermaid busting a serious fetal move in the middle of the dance floor. Amniotic fluid is optional.

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Back on the Market



You hear it first here on Urbana time! Jessica Simpson and boy toy Nick Lachey are calling it quits after a few years of marriage, a hit reality television show, and an ABC "We support our Troops" primetime special. Which was just delightful btw. So now folks, shave your chest, put on a little extra hair spray, and head out on the town! These honeys are single and yours for the taking. Go find either one of them and make it happen. Have his baby or plant your seed [ed note: this depends on the type of anatomy you were born with (for example: if you have a vagina, let nick take a turn, have his child and take all his money. OR if you have a penis, find Jessica, get jiggy and "accidentally let the rubber snap" or just tell her how good it feels when you raw dog. She's probably on the BC anyway.)]

Get it my friends. The market is fresh, perdue style.

Monday, May 16, 2005

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Monday, May 09, 2005

Berry Street Babies



Tar Beach just got more interesting. I'd like to give a hopeful welcome to Orudis KT and St. Nick to the upstairs apartment.

In the future there will be:
1. Pancake Sundays
2. Cable
3. Tickle fights
4. 1 fridge full of beer at all times
5. the other fridge full of snacks at all times
6. secret passwords
7. group theme song
8. trivial pursuit showdowns
9. lots of sharing of secrets
10. group sex


uhhhhhhh.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Just Vile



The Error-Proof Test

So a casino has paid $5k for Spears's home pregnancy test. I'm nauseated. Not so much by the pregnancy test but more at the financial choices of the Golden Palace Casino...

"Last month, the online casino paid $15,100 to a Connecticut woman to name her newborn GoldenPalace.com."

thoughts:
1. Can GoldenPalace.com come over after school tomorrow?
2. WTF!

Sorry, for this awful post. I'm feeling and little Rosie today.... (and by Rosie i mean BIG, UGLY, RETARDED)

waiting for tonight.. oh oh!

Thursday, May 05, 2005

Cinco de mayo



Pictures from other people's pirate themed cinco de mayo parties are so friggin fantastic.

Happy cinco de mayo my fellow mexicans. I'd love to get a burrito and a magarita with you after work but alas, i must babysit again.

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Birthday Montage

Holy crap I love birthdays and birthday parties so much, I've decided to give you this....






and one more...

Happy Birthday

And many more...



Jolie, Happy Birthday. Here's your special birthday goat.

xoxo
Urbana

Straight up now tell me



Go Paula Go Paula Go! Hell, if I were his judge, he could have been my special friend too. And if Paula Abdul was buying me clothes and helping me pick songs that were best for my vocal range, I'd love her right back.

For more tantilizing facts on this developing story, check any website out there... they're all eating it up! My personal choice is this MSN site because of the ad on the page for Nail Fungus!!!!. You must check this out before the ad gets switched. It'll be added to the "urbanatime's unforgivables" list.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

O'Donnell Diet


What hath Rosie wrought?! Perhaps it is not for us to know.
Let us pray:

Praise be to Oprah, show us the light. For those of us who haven't eaten since Sunday (namely, me), restore our appetite and remodel our homes then give our mothers makeovers.

Um actually...
I think a list of "Urbanatime's Unforgivables" is in order:
1. Googling images of warts
2. Watching "Riding the Bus with My Sister"

Stay tuned for more heinousness.

Hating on the Pretty Girls



You're right Sarah W., being mean to pretty girls is totally racist.

Monday, May 02, 2005

"I Hate Brooklyn" - New York Mag.



Well friends, it looks like we've hit that time of the decade again where people are getting pissed about all the young kids moving in to the neighborhood and gentrifying the city. Boo hoo. Its so terrible, I know. Yes, young, finally established writers have stopped smoking pot and are hitting it big with features in New York Magazine and yes, even the New York Times Style section. They write about how soooo cool they used to be and how dangerous they were for finding a studio apartment in the East Village. GASP! Now their 35 ish and burnt up and washed out and are desperately looking to find ways to relive their glory days of romping around the city boozing it up and smoking crack. Since that was a time with out strings, a shitty job, no kids to wipe up, and no mammograms or prostate exams, life WAS good. And this goes beyond the 35 something. Rumor has it a certain almost 50 something did several lines of coke at a certain 80's movie after party at the revived 80's hot spot NA. Go Go 80's revival. (btw, that was so 3 years ago)



Here's the deal. Us 20 somethings need some space to live. Manhattan rents are so Rosie O'Donnel Retarded (meaning BIG, UGLY, and RETARDED) that we have to move to Brooklyn. When all of us nice young college educated but underpaid folk move to brooklyn, we make people that are having babies want to move there too, mostly so we can babysit their little bundles for extra cash. Its really quite simple. The circle of life.

I say, we gentrify some weird town in New Jersey and get a bunch of artists to move there too and open arty coffee shops and expensive vintage boutiques. It'd be cool. Oh yeah, and we'll open up club 1996 there to, y'know, relive our glory days.

Oh yeah, and Brooklyn is amazing.

Tree Hugger


chillin
Originally uploaded by andi814.
I love trees. Trees are great. Trees produce oxygen which humans need to survive. A good tree is hard to find. Yesterday I found one, and it was good. The branches were just asking to be climbed on. I like Alla's haiku text messaging. I think I will write a haiku and you, lovely reader, can write one back in the comments.

Day at the Garden
Cherry Blossoms and sweet grass
I can still do a cartwheel