Monday, May 02, 2005
"I Hate Brooklyn" - New York Mag.
Well friends, it looks like we've hit that time of the decade again where people are getting pissed about all the young kids moving in to the neighborhood and gentrifying the city. Boo hoo. Its so terrible, I know. Yes, young, finally established writers have stopped smoking pot and are hitting it big with features in New York Magazine and yes, even the New York Times Style section. They write about how soooo cool they used to be and how dangerous they were for finding a studio apartment in the East Village. GASP! Now their 35 ish and burnt up and washed out and are desperately looking to find ways to relive their glory days of romping around the city boozing it up and smoking crack. Since that was a time with out strings, a shitty job, no kids to wipe up, and no mammograms or prostate exams, life WAS good. And this goes beyond the 35 something. Rumor has it a certain almost 50 something did several lines of coke at a certain 80's movie after party at the revived 80's hot spot NA. Go Go 80's revival. (btw, that was so 3 years ago)
Here's the deal. Us 20 somethings need some space to live. Manhattan rents are so Rosie O'Donnel Retarded (meaning BIG, UGLY, and RETARDED) that we have to move to Brooklyn. When all of us nice young college educated but underpaid folk move to brooklyn, we make people that are having babies want to move there too, mostly so we can babysit their little bundles for extra cash. Its really quite simple. The circle of life.
I say, we gentrify some weird town in New Jersey and get a bunch of artists to move there too and open arty coffee shops and expensive vintage boutiques. It'd be cool. Oh yeah, and we'll open up club 1996 there to, y'know, relive our glory days.
Oh yeah, and Brooklyn is amazing.