Wednesday, June 13, 2007

A Newfound Distaste for Martha Stewart

I'm watching TV this morning. First, I watched my Tivo taping of Conan O'Brien from last night. Feist performed and the crew from Grizzly Bear were her backup singers! When the show was done, I switched to live TV which happened to be Martha Stewart. Crooner Tony Bennett was her guest. An audience member asked Martha about what's in her hand bag, so we all went through it together. Martha carries around a piles of papers, unfinished columns for Martha Mag, tons of keys, and a huge, bound, plastic sheet covered list of all her contacts and their phone numbers. Anecdote time!

Martha tells a story about how this past weekend, she needed someone's number so she busts out the mega-plastic coated list, and BHSHAW! the number is not there! She then goes on to bust her assistant's balls on the air. "My assistant should know I need this number, especially someone who's been working for me since last January." she says, Tony Bennett still sitting beside her.

Now, I know its difficult to capture the passive-aggresiveness to this comment, but use your martha imagination. My heart goes out to her assistant. This person's insides must be like dried up charcoal, her lust for life down to one tiny piece of glitter sparkle, her brick wall piled 5 deep, and her tear ducts sewn shut.

Martha should learn not to be a heinous person on her daytime cooking show, especially not when sitting next to TONY BENNETT! Be a lady, not a douchebag. Go hang out with Rosie O'Donnell. Go back to Jail.

1 comment:

Spyro Poulos said...

Well yeah maybe her asst. is a shrivelled up burn out that wants to drink Drano before work every day - OR I like to think she is more like Mr. Smithers of Simpson fame because I like thinking that Martha taps her fingers together and says "eeeeeeeggggsellent..." while devising plots to overthrow the worlds governments with her evil arts and crafts powers!